Heidi Fleiss: Hollywood Madam is the greatest film ever made. It’s about Heidi Fleiss, a feisty and slutty business woman who became a madam to the stars, and then got sold out by her evil boyfriend for stepping on his turf. It features this wild old woman named Madam Alex who lives in a bed. Alex’s archenemy is Heidi’s sociopath boyfriend Ivan Nagy. Ivan spends the entire movie pretending he knows what it feels like to love someone, but he sucks at it. The scariest person in the movie is a guy named Cookie. He is so tough that you never even see him and no one wants to talk about him, but it’s implied that he is a procurer of women and also the manager of a beeper store.
Being a prostitute is easy and fun. When asked what they had to do, most of Heidi’s former girls recall sitting on the couch while the guy did drugs and ignored them. This sounds a lot like my current relationship, but for some reason these women get $3000 at the end of the night and all I usually get is a piece of pizza.
Heidi Fleiss was a regular woman who seems like she would have been a fun friend before she lost her mind. Why can’t prostitution just be legal? Then Heidi Fleiss would just be a normal, rich asshole who thinks they’re better than everybody instead of an insane woman who lives in the desert surrounded by birds. Also, one year one of her boyfriends gave her a million dollars for Christmas. She is so lucky that happened to her.
